Columnists » Ask Phyllis

Man Suggests Mother’s Gay Son Would Commit Incest

by Phyllis Steinberg
Monday Apr 11, 2011

Dear Phyllis,

I am the mother of three children. I have two daughters and a gay son. Last week I was at a party at a friend's house. After speaking with one of the other guests for awhile; he said to me, "How can you accept your son being gay? What's next? Will he want to sleep with his sister?" I was so offended. How can anyone be so cruel and hurtful? I did not know how to respond. What do you think I could have done?


Dear Carol,

A jab like this is not easy for a mom to digest. Surely this man must have understood that he was rude and insensitive. Did this man have too much to drink? As hurtful as the question was, it was important for you to remain calm and in control. While there may not be much that could have been said to open this man's eyes, other partygoers may have been able to overhear your conversation. A sensible response to the man would have more value for the others to learn from, especially if the man continued to act in a boorish manner. It is ludicrous that the man's illogical thought process did not take into account that a man whose sexual preference is another man would have no interest in "sleeping with his sister".

To be able to lash out at you-the mother-in the manner in which he did; this man must be harboring some very hateful feelings. Perhaps you could have asked him why he has thoughts about incest. His response may have led to some interesting conversation.

Unfortunately in our struggle for equal rights for the LGBT community, from time to time we run into people who are extremely offensive and closed-minded. Nevertheless, we must always speak up for our loved ones.



  • kojong, 2011-04-24 14:38:50

    This is the first time I hear about such kind of behavior taking place during a private party. I don’t understand other people in the room didn’t react to that man’s stupid comment. Clearly, there was no friend in this place and this mother should not frequent these people again.

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