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Terrorgrams: Peaches Christ & Crew's 'Screaming Telegrams' Bring Door-to-Door Scary Delights

by Jim Provenzano

Bay Area Reporter

Friday October 9, 2020

Growing up in Ohio, autumn brought a literal harvest of Halloween fun, from pumpkin fields to corn mazes. Back then, poison candy and razor-filled apples were a mere (sub)urban legend. And no kid had a peanut allergy.

A favorite was the annual haunted house, a Munsters-style Victorian on a dilapidated property next to the McDonald's on our small town's main drag. It was an annual favorite, with kids often taking repeat visits between gulping down a Big Mac and a Coke.

So when Peaches Christ's Terror Vault opened at The Old Mint, I couldn't wait to tour it. Last year's exhibit brought out hilarious shivers of ghoulish glee. This year, between pandemics and elections, we've got plenty to fear, and sadly the Terror Vault is not open.

But you can get some creepy clowns and ghoulish gals delivered to your door, or a f(r)iend's with the new Screaming Telegrams service.

Celebrate the season, and give some out-of-work actors a chance to give you a hilariously spooky thrill. Spawned by Peaches (Joshua Grannell) and David Flower Productions, the Terror Vault producers, this Halloween gift includes a scary clown visit, from a safe distance, from 5 pm to 7 pm. Recipient/victims must be over 18.

Deliveries are $50, with extra options ($10 to $20) for yourself or your ghoul-friend: cupcakes, a plastic pumpkin with candy, a booze bag for two, even some cigarettes and some old porn magazines. Now that'll get you into the holiday mood.

Order your Screaming Telegram at

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