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Home Is Where the Hard Is

by Greg Cason, Ph.D.
Saturday Sep 16, 2017

Perhaps it goes without saying that you are going to be happiest in a house that fits you. The concept is literally called "Person-Environment-Fit." If the fit is good, you will thrive and stay there for a long time. If the fit is poor, you will struggle until you get the hell out. If you feel stuck, you are more likely to not only get depressed, but have more physical ailments. So, the choice of where you live can mean happiness or hell.

What brings the best "Person-Environment Fit" to the average homo? Three major aspects are: location, structure and meaning. Now I know that most of us cannot necessarily afford our dream house in our dream 'hood, but if you consider your heart, you can find happiness within your price range.

Real estate agents are right about something - location is everything - starting with the political climate and laws that may make your choice of living comfortable. Situations differentiated by whether you can walk down the street holding your partner's hand or wake up to find a swastika painted on your door.

Everyone in the LGBT community has had to think about personal safety at some point in their lives, and safer than fences, locks, or guns is the trustworthiness of your neighborhood and neighbors. It doesn't have to be a gay ghetto, but it does have to be gay-friendly.

You can certainly look up crime stats and talk with the police in the area, but it's best to get personal. Whip out a location-based meet-up app and hit up locals for info. Take note if the gays are closer together or farther apart. A lot of guys who are close by means you won't have to be eating out as much.
Make sure to consider the needs of your personality and not just the needs of your nether regions, too. It might seem like a good idea to live in a neighborhood with sexy men every ten feet, but if it means living next to
a busy street and you happen to be an introvert who hates noise, you are going to be miserable.

If you're an artist, an outdoor nudist, or guy who easily gets pissed off, you probably aren't going to do as well where there are a lot of rules, like in condominiums. If you are someone who is nurturing or likes a lot of structure (and don't mind wearing clothes outside), then you might enjoy condo life.
Social people do best when they live near opportunities to be social, introverts do best when they have a place to hide and rejuvenate. Don't move into the 'burbs if you like to frequent the bars and don't live above the bars if you are easily disturbed.

When it comes to the structure, consider your personal desires: Depressive-types feel better when there are a lot of windows, as do exhibitionists. Anxious-types and older guys who like to impress young dates often benefit from a distant view or vistas. Serious sex-play types may prefer a basement where they can install a dungeon, and others may want a private deck where he can tan nude. Once in a place, make it about you.

If you share with someone, make sure to make it about him or her, as well. Add personal touches that bring you joy. Maybe it's a map of a place you love or a style of furniture that makes you smile. Maybe it's the favorite photograph of the time you remembered to suck in your stomach. Infusing your place with personal meaning will make your house into a home.

We cannot have enjoyment unless we also feel safe, so considering these things will bring happiness to your home. Ask yourself this: "Can I bring
a date home, make out with him on my front step, invite him into my house without embarrassment, have my favorite type of sex with him and then do the 'walk of shame' to my car, so I can drive him home in the morning?" If so, then you may have found your perfect "Person-Environment-Fit."

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