Wholesale comedy with Michele Balan

Just like the rest of us, some comics are introverts and some are extroverts. It took about five seconds on the phone to determine that Michele Balan is an extrovert. Despite protests that she had just woken up, the out stand-up unleashed a wave of quips before I had even turned on my tape recorder.

"I'm a little raspy," she said in her distinct New York accent. "I've had 4000 cigarettes already this morning. I'll quit when I'm dead, which will be next week, at this rate. But I only smoke when I'm alone or with somebody. It's very sexy in the morning. Especially when I spit up."

It's no wonder that Balan talks a mile a minute. Her career has kicked into overdrive since appearing last year on NBC's comedy reality show, Last Comic Standing. Balan made it to the final four, and lays claim to the title "last female comic standing." It's been quite a trip from when she worked at a computer company by day, and performed at private parties at night.

Q: So have things really taken off since Last Comic Standing?
A: It's nice to be home now. I don't want to complain, I'm grateful, but I'm Jewish so that's what we do. I've been away more than I've been home since I did the show.

Q: When I first heard you were going to be on I was surprised, because I thought the show was more for people who aren't established.
A: They mix it up. They have people who have more experience and some who have less. Everybody on my season was a heavy hitter. Gabriel and Ty were already national headliners.

Q: This is where I have to admit that I didn't watch it
A: I don't blame you, I wouldn't watch it if I wasn't on it.

Q: Besides competing in stand-up clubs, they also had you all live together, right?
A: Yes, on the Queen Mary. That ship hasn't sailed since 1960, which is the last time they vacuumed. What a piece of crap that ship was. It's so old, and it's haunted. It's one of the top haunted places in the country. But the comics scared the ghosts away. It's funny, this season they didn't make the comics live together. I heard people didn't like that. They changed the format. People like the drama.

Q: Was there drama on your season?
A: Oh, there was some. And they make drama. They force drama.

Q: People love the reality shows. I don't get it.
A: I know, it's so crazy. I want to go on Fear Factor so when they tell me to eat a bug, I can tell them to go to hell. I can't believe how desperate people are. Go get a job!

Q: The year before you did the show, there was a controversy about the voting. Were people sensitive about that?
A: Well you know they cancelled the show, and then it came back. So they weren't sure how well it would do. Actually it had very good ratings. But they had to be more careful, which was good. But here's the thing about a reality show. Because it's not classified as a game show, they don't really have to follow any rules. The winner can be picked by the producer.

Q: So what are they looking for?
A: Someone they can develop something for, probably. And who's got the best management. All kinds of stuff goes into it. I just thought, 'Let me get up there and do my comedy.' I was grateful to be on NBC every week. They couldn't get rid of me! So even though I didn't win in the end, it turned out very well for me. It made a big change in my career. I'm a 400-year-old overnight success.

Q: You look very dewy for 400.
A: It's amazing what Botox can do. I'm like a painting; it's just chemical restoration.

Q: I understand you used to work in the computer industry.
A: I was an account executive a long time ago, and I left it for comedy. My whole life, people would say I was funny. I was just being me, I never thought of it as a profession. That's a job? Then I gave it a whirl and realized I didn't want to be in that job for the rest of my life. Believe me, it wasn't easy.

Q: What pushed you to keep going?
A: I guess I realized I wasn't getting any younger. You know, unlike most people. And I'd go on stage and it was just great. But it wasn't easy. I went through a lot of struggles with money. I'd take odd jobs. I was the worst bartender ever. But I had a measure of success right away, because I got a national contest and I was on Comedy Central in the early 90s. Then I came to screeching halt.

Q: Why?
A: I came out of the gate very strong, then I moved along at a regular pace. I was very lucky at the beginning, but you have to do the work. There's a lot of competition. And it's always been hard for women in this business.

Q: I still hear that from female comics, that the idea that women aren't very funny is still out there. I think what that really reveals is what kind of comedy is considered appropriate for a comedy club.
A: You're absolutely right. I go to these comedy clubs and I'm horrified at what I see. But I don't get 22-year-olds doing comedy. They have nothing to say as far as I'm concerned. It's stuff that's been done before by better people.

Q: Who's good nowadays?
A: That's a tough question. See, I don't like watching comedy anymore. Only because, if you're a shoemaker do you want to watch somebody make shoes? I'm around it enough.

Q: Have any comics inspired you?
A: A lot of the old Borsch Belt comics. I was just on a Friar's Roast the other day and it was me and a bunch of people I look up to. Richard Belzer, Robert Klein, Gilbert Godfrey. People have said I'm like a female George Burns. I hope they're not talking about my looks.

Q: I heard your first forays into show biz weren't in comedy.
A: When I was young - well, let's tell people I stated when I was three - I looked like Bette Midler, and I won this contest doing an impression of her. Next thing you know I was booked at a gay bar, and I had this whole career as a female female impersonator. That's what got me pumped up about the stage. I have to tell you, I'm a great lip syncer. It makes me crazy when drag queens can't lip sync. All you have to do is learn the words! But anyway, I had to talk in between numbers, and that's really how I started with comedy.

Q: You probably play bigger rooms these days, so it'll be very cool to see you at Club Caf?.
A: Higher tickets, too. I'm marked down!

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Michele Balan takes the stage at 7:30 p.m. Thurs., Nov. 1 at Club Caf?, 209 Columbus Ave., Boston. Tickets $17.50; $20 at the door. Info: 617.596.0966 or www.clubcafe.com. Visit Balan online at www.michelebalan.com.