That's entertainment

I hate spring in New England. There, I said it. March and April are cold, wet and raw which, although appealing as a hookup profile, serves no value as weather. All this indoor time is good for planning, and one reason to hang on is the spring and summer concert schedule.

2008 brings us a variety of shows that might be worthy of a LGBTQA's (did I miss anyone?) short attention span.

The gays love sketch comedy. And who doesn't love to play "Gay or Canadian"? Kick off the season next week with Kids In The Hall on April 17 at the Wang Theatre. Remember openly gay troupe member Scott Thompson's caustic gay bar proprietor Buddy Cole? He's back!
Eddie Izzard performs at Boston's Orpheum Theatre for three nights beginning April 28. This British, cross-dressing weirdo (is that redundant?) never disappoints. For added fun, bring an Izzard virgin to the show.

I don't know about you, but I have yet to shake "Jesus can suck it" from my daily vocabulary. Kathy Griffin gives you plenty of opportunity to learn more inappropriate phrases with two appearances - May 1 at the Lowell Memorial Auditorium and May 3 at Boston's Symphony Hall.

Dolly Parton has been reaching out to the young'uns with appearances on American Idol (who knew she was a song writer) and Hannah Montana (if you don't know, don't ask). She's recovered from her back surgery, proving it's not easy being Dolly. See her on May 5 at Boston's Opera House.

The highlight of last year's Don Imus controversy was a late-night TV appearance by Wanda Sykes. After expressing shock that Don Imus was still alive, she went on to describe her feelings about being considered the official spokesperson for nappy-headed 'hos. Let's just say she argued that her hair was not nappy and left the second part alone. Wanda appears at Boston's Orpheum Theatre on May 16.

Our very own Gaylapalooza, The True Colors Tour, comes to Boston on May 31 at the Bank of America Pavilion with Cyndi Lauper, Rosie O'Donnell, The B-52's (fun fact - the average age of a B-52 is 55, older even than the average Bay Windows reader). The pop/gay version of kumbaya.

It's sad but true. R.E.M. has been around long enough to be considered classic rock. No worries, however, since they return to the stage fresh and creatively recharged. Shiny happy (and out) Michael Stipe looks and sounds positively radiant. June 13 at the Tweeter Center.

No band of the punk era captured what's now called "the gay sensibility" more so than Blondie. The Cape Cod Melody Tent on June 20 and the South Shore Music Circus on June 21 will be the perfect intimate setting for a little Rapture.

This was new to me, but there are hordes, and I mean hordes, of gay men who love Stevie Nicks. Always an icon to the lesbians, she now has the full love of the LGBT nation. She casts her magic spell on June 22 at the Bank Of America Pavilion. Stand back!

Melissa Etheridge recently told the crew at NPR's "Wait, Wait, Don't Tell Me" that she felt a bit bad about winning an Oscar for her musical work on An Inconvenient Truth. Her song beat out Dreamgirls for the statue and she swears she heard legions of gay men sigh heavily when the winner was announced. Melissa performs at the Cape Cod Melody Tent on July 1 and 2 and the Lowell Memorial Auditorium on July 18 and 19.

A recent scientific study found that many lesbians date, have sex with, and sometimes marry men (for real). So I'm still counting Ani DiFranco as one of us. See her at the Cape Cod Melody Tent on July 13.

What James Taylor is to the straights, the Indigo Girls are to us. It's just not summer unless you've seen them in concert at least once. One chance this summer is July 16 at the Cape Cod Melody Tent.

And we've got show tunes. Those of you on the highbrow end can see Linda Eder and Steve Tyrell July 19 at the South Shore Music Circus and July 20 at the Cape Cod Melody Tent.

The most anticipated show of year must be George Michael at The TD Banknorth Garden on July 27. His first tour in 17 years, which may be longer than some of you have lived, promises to be a spectacle. Prepare yourself for endless, juvenile, asinine morning show jokes, although thanks to Senator Larry Craig bathroom sex is hot right now. Also expect a strongly worded scolding letter to said morning shows from the Gay Alliance Against Defamation.

There may be nothing I love more than hearing Celine Dion say "girlfriend" when talking to Whoopie Goldberg. I can only hope Celine is up for the travel after her 500 year- long stint in Vegas. And I hope she's gotten that kid of her's a haircut. We'll all find out together when Miss Dion appears on Aug. 12 and 13 at the TD Banknorth Garden

I'm not exactly sure how gay this is - and I mean that in the good way, not the bad - but nothing brightens my mood better than a little KC & The Sunshine Band. Test my theory on Aug. 14 at the Hampton Beach Casino Ballroom and Aug. 15 at the Cape Cod Melody Tent.

That's my first pass so don't clutch your pearls because I didn't include dance, Provincetown or local theater. It'll be a long, hot summer and there's more to come.