Lesbian comics rock that...mic

Why should Provincetown have a monopoly on lesbian comedy? This Thursday four funny women, New York tested and lesbian approved, will have Club Cafe in stitches (8 p.m. at 209 Columbus Ave., Boston. Tix $12. Info: 617.536.0966).

Don't take our word for it. We got the women of Dykes on Mics to give us a little preview, though some finer points, like the mysteries of vag-o-nomics and an 8 x 10 glossy of Leah's girlfriend, will only be revealed at showtime.

Gloria Bigelow

I knew I was a comedian when...
Leah asked me to do Dykes on Mics... I was like "oh crap...I gotta get me some jokes!"

Is comedy a great way to pick up girls?
Yes. Bitter people who tell all of their business are very attractive.

New York or Boston?
New York, because I can't get to Boston on the 2/3 train

Why are there so many lesbian comics?
Because we got issues!

What were some slogans you rejected before "Rock That Vag"?
"The blacker the berry the sweeter the juice."

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
None. We prefer to be in the dark

Who's hotter: Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama?
Michelle. She's got those arm muscles which are great for hoisting me up onto the counter.

The worst time I bombed...
Was in a room with three people from Australia who thought that I was Whoopi Goldberg.

Celesbian you'd like to trade places with?
Are there any black celesbians? Can I trade with Ellen and paint her a peanut-butter brown?

Leah Dubie

I knew I was a comedian when...
Bay Windows asked to do a story on ME!

Is comedy a great way to pick up girls?
Yes. I leave a sign-in sheet for prospective ladies at the door. Please bring a writing utensil. Sometimes we run out of pens.

New York or Boston?
The New York comedy scene can't be beat but Boston is my hometown and therefore superior. It is the place I come to visit my relatives so they can yell at me about how I never visit them anymore.

Why are there so many lesbian comics?
The Indigo Girls have given us a lot of material.

What were some slogans you rejected before "Rock That Vag"?
Well, there was "Urge the Vag"..."Convince the Vag"..."Trick the Vag"...but ultimately you really need to "Rock the Vag!"

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
Just one. They don't tend to like any help when it comes to electrical work.

Who's hotter: Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama?
Well Cindy McCain is a D-cup and I like that but honestly I can get lost in Michelle Obama's eyes when the mood is right. So I choose Hillary.

The worst time I bombed...
I was performing comedy for a group of foreign graduate students at their weekly pizza and checkers night o'excitement! Nobody was drinking, nobody could understand me and my opener was a 10-year-old boy reciting a monologue his mom wrote. But they paid well and the 10-year-old and I are Facebook friends now, so it wasn't all bad.

Celesbian you'd like to trade places with?
Suze Orman. I am fascinated by her hair, power blazers and mesmerizing white teeth. I blame my mom for this. She sent me "Young, Fabulous and Broke" a few years back. I would have preferred her sending me the $15 the book cost plus shipping and handling but it was a nice gesture. Clearly my mom wanted me to be a lesbian...a very wealthy lesbian who visits the dentist often.

Jackie Monahan

I knew I was a comedian when...
I was 5. My mother and I were at the super market and she asked me to pick out my cereal. I screamed, "OK, just don't hit me again!" I would also run up to strange men and scream "Daddy! Daddy!"

Is comedy a great way to pick up girls?
Look at Leah Dubie's girlfriend. Of course it is!

New York or Boston?
I have two words for you: Steven Wright.

Why are there so many lesbian comics?
Gay men are getting laid way more. It is hard to be funny and happy.

What were some slogans you rejected before "Rock That Vag"?
"Help Rid NYC of Bed Bugs"

How many feminists does it take to change a light bulb?
Light bulbs? They are so bad for the environment! We only use candles!

Who's hotter: Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama?
Michelle of course. She has a soul.

The worst time I bombed...
It was when I first started and a bunch of dudes kept yelling for me to take my shirt off.

Celesbian you'd like to trade places with:
Life is good so I would prefer to stay who I am.

Amy Beckerman

I knew I was a comedian when...
My college girlfriend spent the night for the first time, and I farted myself awake.

Is comedy a great way to pick up girls?
Absolutely! But then they get so sick of your act that they dump you.

New York or Boston?
I am so thankful to live and perform in NYC, but Boston will always be home to me.

Why are there so many lesbian comics?
With all the drama we deal with, some funny material has to come out of it. Right?

What were some slogans you rejected before "Rock That Vag"?
"Cradle that Cooch", or "Worthwhile understanding and education through vag-a-nomics." I guess I'm not so good at coming up with slogans.

How many feminists does it take to change a lightbulb?
One hot butch that closely resembles Drew Carey

Who's hotter: Cindy McCain or Michelle Obama?
Cindy McCain. Can't deny a hot blond!

The worst time I bombed...
I did a show at a VA Hospital in Queens, NY. They were more interested in touching me than laughing.

Celesbian you'd like to trade places with?
Janet Reno. Nothing else screams "Power Dyke" like a blue suit. Wait, is she gay?