Come out, come out where ever - and whatever - you are

October 11 was National Coming Out Day. In honor of the big "Yep, I'm gay," holiday, Bay Windows reached out to some folks in the LGBT community for their thoughts and advice on doing the deed.

Yep, I'm straight ... still
by Matt O'Malley

When I ran for city council in 2005, Bay Windows asked me during an interview if I was gay. "I'm not," I replied, "But if I were I'd tell you, because I'd be as proud of that as I am about everything else that defines me."

When you work in politics and are single and liberal, you are almost always labeled gay. Opponents of LGBT causes use it as a means of defining you as different, or out of the mainstream. Proponents of LGBT causes constantly question your social life, and breathlessly wait for you to come out of the closet. It often makes for an interesting (and frustrating) dynamic.

Last year I was dating a girl named Emily who was friends with a girl who happened to be dating a local politician. This friend of Emily's was at a New York City bar and began chatting with a patron who followed Boston politics. She mentioned her boyfriend as well as her friend's relationship with me. "That can't be!" the New Yorker explained. He had heard that the pol and I were both gay. In a city I've never been to, a person I've never met was having a heated discussion about my sex life.

Here's the bottom line: there are plenty of straight people like myself who support LGBT causes. We see full equality for all as one of the fundamental calls of our generation. Just as many of our parents and grandparents took part in the civil rights struggles of the 50's and 60's, we see equality as a cause that transcends race, creed, religion, and sexuality.

Labeling someone because of his/her political views sets a dangerous precedent. I don't mind that people make assumptions about me, but I do fear that other straight people could be hesitant to support the LGBT community for fear of being branded. Perhaps a measure of achieving full equality will be when one's political views does not affect their perception by others; or when being gay no longer carries any stigma so that the label becomes meaningless. I look forward to the day when there are enough straight men who stand up for true equality that no one assumes they are gay. Until then, I make no apologies for being a straight ally to the LGBT cause. Nor for my affinity of show tunes.

Matt O'Malley is the Political Director of MassEquality and writes a blog at http://www.matt-omalley.com

I love my gay son!
by Kathy Godbout

Our son came out to us twenty-four years ago when he was seventeen. It was a bit scary for us to tell family and friends but we decided that we had to be honest and open for our son's well-being so we spoke out.

Our first BIG coming out was before a trip to Provincetown with new acquaintances. We bit the bullet and made our announcement. Know what? The sky didn't fall, but more importantly, the ice had been broken. We came to realize that when we met new people it was best to open up early in the relationship in order to be fair to all concerned. If folks had problems accepting that we have a gay son then we don't want to be friendly with them. It just became easier and easier.

Our involvement with MassEquality put us in contact with numerous LGBT people. We realized that one of the most important things we can do is educate. We wear our equality pins everywhere and are quick to tell people that we are gay rights activists. Our philosophy is that if we tell it like it is we create a better understanding that one's sexual orientation is not a choice, preference, or lifestyle.

So, parents, go forward, speak up for your kids, let everyone know that there is nothing to be ashamed of, and that your primary job as a parent is to love your kids no matter what.

Kathy Godbout is a dedicated MassEquality volunteer.

A class-y coming out
by Marc Lewis

Deciding if, when, and how to emerge from the classroom closet is one of the most important personal and professional decisions an LGBT educator will ever make. There certainly is no "right" or "best" way to do it and situations need to be handled differently at each grade level, but beginning the school day with,

"Boys and girls, good morning, it's Monday,take out your homework, I'm a homosexual," is probably not an ideal way to go. Know why you want and need to be out and be able and ready to articulate your reasons - to a principal, a coworker or a parent. As much as possible, include your colleagues and administrators in the process.

Never feel the need to ask a principal for permission, but make sure that your boss hears from you before she receives a phone call from a questioning parent; no administrator ever likes to be taken by surprise.

We are fortunate now to live in a state and at a time when LGBT educators can more easily make the same matter-of-fact and normalized references to their spouses and families that their heterosexual colleagues have done since any of us were children. Ideally, a teacher will come out in response to a student question or situation that arises in the classroom such as an anti-gay comment or heterosexist assumption. Sharing one's sexual identity should not be done because of a personal need or political desire, but rather in order to benefit the young people we are hired to educate -- by challenging stereotypes, raising awareness, combating homophobia, and reducing invisibility. Confident, comfortable, and prepared LGBT educators can and must be the role models all of our students so
desperately need.

Marc Lewis is a 7th grade teacher in Acton, a member of the Massachusetts Teachers Association Board of Directors, and the former president of GLSEN Boston.

Out as trans at the State House
by Nancy Nangeroni

I've never experienced anything weird from a politician; of course I've been talking mostly with "friendlies." More than anything else, [if transgender people come out to their lawmakers] that is what will pass [House Bill 1722, the transgender civil rights bill]. No amount of lobbying by a few leaders is going to pass this bill. Just like when President Clinton spoke at the HRC Dinner and said it's [gay people] coming out and meeting people that's important; it's the same thing with the transgender community. We have to - each and every one of us, or as many as possible - need to get out. There's so little risk in talking with a politician. No politician's going to turn around and out somebody or do something terrible and so it's probably the safest coming out you can do to talk to your local representative. I think so. I've never heard anything negative happening to anybody for their lobbying effort and I've been lobbying since, I think, 1995.

Nancy Nangeroni is a longtime transgender advocate and the co-host of GenderVision, which airs on the local cable access station in Beverly.