Getting Better

"Your worth is not established by teaching or learning. Your worth is established by God... Again - nothing you do or think or wish or make is necessary to establish your worth." - "A Course in Miracles"

A very well-meaning video campaign, aimed against suicide and bullying tells teens to "hang in there" because "It Gets Better" later on down the line. Meaning that, everything will turn out all right, once you are out of school and become a "success" in life. Recently, as screenwriter Graham Moore accepted his Academy Award, he admitted to having attempted suicide as a teen and encouraged young people to hang in and "stay weird, and stay different." To not worry about fitting in, because later on, you too may win awards and have a dazzling life of success, with all your dreams coming true.

These are all what I call "a swing and a miss." They don't really address the actual problem, which is, the belief that our happiness is based on externals and in accomplishments meant to give us a sense of worthiness. It makes it seem like there are no bullies outside of school property, or past the age of high school graduation.

Yet, reality tells us, that the world is full of bullying husbands, bullying employers, bullying political and religious systems, and even bullying "entertainment" shows such as "Fashion Police." That is, because the real bully isn't"out there,"but rather, resides inside our own minds and then is reflected in the culture around us.

How ironic is it, that the Oscars show in which Graham Moore made his speech, also included memoriams of both Robin Williams and Philip Seymour Hoffman. Two men, winners of the same award, with amazing talent, acclaim, wealth, who were loved by millions, with loving children and spouses and gorgeous homes - who had achieved the American dream many times over. Yet, "It Gets Better" did not quiet the bully living in their own heads. So, they took their own lives, either deliberately or by accident.

Nothing and no one outside of us can save us and no matter how much
"better it gets" in our lives, the real work of progress is internal. What needs to get better with most of us, is the nature of our own thinking, as we address the bullying thoughts that we allow into our minds and hearts. Awards, mates, children, homes, success, achievement, money, vacations, a healthy body - all are wonderful things - that will not bring lasting happiness and inner peace.

We learn to save ourselves by starting to make peace with ourselves and our lives, just as we are and just as we are not. You may have a bully at school, in the workplace or on the evening news, but, don't take them home with you. ("Home" is your mind.) We must place a guard at the door of our minds and choose the thoughts and beliefs we cultivate and believe about who we are and about our lives. The more that we love and honor ourselves, the more we find that our outer world reflects our own thoughts back to us. The
real win, however, is that it doesn't really matter very much to us any m ore, what the world says about us.

We have learned how to tune out the world and tune into something within.

FIVE STEPS TO "BETTER" THINKING:

1. Drop all self-criticism immediately.

2. Remember that you don't have to feel love for yourself at a given moment, in order to treat yourself with love, kindness and respect. Love is an action.

3. Affirm daily: I love and approve of myself exactly as I am and as I am not. I am enough.

4. Keep an ongoing list of what is wonderful about you: your talents, attributes, personality traits, etc.

5. Do a daily gratitude list of"What Went Right Today"as a way of neutralizing the bullying thoughts and strengthening the thoughts of the Encourager within.

Jacob Glass is an author and spiritual teacher. For more, go to jacobglass.com.