'I'm embarrassed at what I did'

It's not often we receive letters with the subject heading "Apology To Gay Community." More often than not we just get complaints about typos, lots of spam or creepy missives from cranks who just generally hate the gays. And these days, it seems the only time people apologize is just before they head off to rehab, jail or are otherwise forced into contrition by Oprah or Jay Leno. So you can imagine our surprise when we saw that subject heading in our inbox on Dec. 22 and opened an email signed by one Stephen Dunne (see below), the man more commonly known as "the bar exam flunker."

You'll recall that Dunne made international news last summer when he filed a federal lawsuit against the Mass. Board of Bar Examiners and the four state Supreme Judicial Court Justices who ruled in favor of the Goodridge plaintiffs when he narrowly failed the bar exam after refusing to answer a question related to same-sex marriage. Dunne, a 30-year-old Boston resident, alleged, among other things, that the state "engaged in constitutionally invidious discrimination" by forcing him to answer an "inappropriate" bar exam question requiring him "to write an affirmative response explicitly and implicitly, accepting, supporting and promoting homosexual marriage and homosexual parenting ... as a prerequisite to the practice of law" in Massachusetts. Though he found some sympathy on the right, for the most part his suit was ridiculed by legal experts far and wide (See "Case Dismissed," July 12). He created a website, www.christianlawsuit.com, in an effort to raise funds to hire a constitutional law expert to represent him. But in September, Dunne withdrew his suit, citing the absence of the gay marriage question from a subsequent version of the Mass. bar exam.

But in his letter, Dunne said his suit was "misguided" and that he was "lashing out as a result of failing the bar exam." "I am deeply sorry for the hurt that I have caused the gay community," Dunne wrote. As far as we can tell after interviewing Dunne on Dec. 24, he's not headed off to jail, rehab or Oprah - in fact, he said he's studying to take the bar exam again - so we give him props for his public mea culpa. The one thing he declined to do was name the law school he attended, stating he didn't want to draw attention to his alma mater (although he did say it's in Boston). We have a feeling that's probably okay with the school.

Q: You touch on the reasons for your change of heart in your letter, but can you talk more about why you decided to write it - how did this change come about?
A: There's multiple reasons really. I tried to put several of them in the letter. But in addition to that I suppose - I didn't mention it I'm sure - but I'm an Irish immigrant to this country. And you know, it's hard to ignore the fact that all communities into America are first discriminated against and attacked before eventually being accepted. In hindsight I see the parallels in the discrimination that were once felt by the Irish in this country, and to a large degree it's opening up my mind and my heart to want to stop the discrimination that the gay community is confronted with. Because you know it happens to all of us at one point or another; but we have a tendency to have collective amnesia and we forget about it.

Q: Right.
A: We forget about the discrimination - "Irish need not apply"- One of the biggest posters that was circulated and published by newspapers [laughs] at one time a long time ago, and you know it's very difficult. And then, second generation, third generation this happens [and then] there's progress. But it's a shame that each community to have to go through that period of discrimination at the outset, considering we're a pretty civilized nation, but we still force the disenfranchised groups or groups that aren't part of the majority to go through that, knowing that eventually acceptance is inevitable. So I guess I saw the parallels because initially I was an Irish immigrant to this country and so far for the most part I've assimilated quite a bit. It's hard not to empathize with the demonization of Irish people and the demonization of gay people in America.

Q: You also mention in your letter, friends of yours who were gay.
A: Yes.

Q: Did you hear from them when you filed the lawsuit?
A: There's a lot of gay people I know that don't know what I did. And you know obviously I'm not going to bring it up today because to a large degree I don't want them to know because I'm embarrassed at what I did. They're great people, they're great parents, they're educated people, they're professionals. I have a lot of respect for them. Once you become friends with people it's hard not to respect them, to change your opinion, change your direction of your previously preconceived notions that were incorrect.

Q: Right.
A: I have a lot of, my significant other is - she didn't want me to mention her at all [laughs] - but she's very involved in the arts and dance and as a result I have a lot of exposure to theater and to the arts. There's a large gay population in the arts and in theater and in ballet and jazz and tap and dance and, you know, she's opened my mind up to the different arts. I love the arts. It just quadruples your exposure to members of the gay community. The more people you know, and understand, you come to respect and the ignorance disappears.

Q: With that said, I'm going to assume that you knew some gay people before you filed the lawsuit. Can you talk a little more about what led you to file the lawsuit? What was going through your mind at that time?
A: I think it was a lashing out. It was a lashing out as a result of failing the bar exam. I mean I think I failed by a fraction of a point and I skipped a question that was 30 points. So I obviously failed myself. In retrospect I should have been a lot more secular in my thinking processes and should have separated religion from the outset, from the law. And you know it's hard to get into the mindset of where I was once because I've, you know, changed - progressed so much since then. I think sometimes religions get in the way of rational thought. I know it's categorically and indisputably wrong now to impose your previous religious convictions on other people and with the separation of church and state in America, it's clearly wrong to do that. And Thomas Jefferson created the wall because religion's more sacred when we separate it from government. We have so many different religions in America, we have to respect for all of them. And it just wouldn't make sense in our society to have that integrated. I think at one point or another I was of the opinion that it should be integrated because I was very adamant about my religious convictions at that time but now obviously I've seen the error of my ways since initially hypothesized. If everybody had that mentality we'd have chaos in this country. If everybody was adamant about their religious convictions and wanted to impose them on others we'd get nothing done.

Q: But I have to say, when you filed the lawsuit and launched the website, you seemed pretty adamant. How do things change that quickly?
A: Well personally I feel like it's been a long time. When you're in this situation you almost feel like it's been years. And I suppose just to a large degree, experience, exposure, education on the different issues and taking some time to think about your larger actions introspectively and you add up all those ingredients and you come to evolve to a different mindset. I hope that's progress [laughs]. I'm going to be demonized [for this, too].

Q: [Laughs] Some people will say it's progress, and some people will say, "Oh, he's gone to the Dark Side."
A: Exactly, I mean I'm in a situation where I really can't win [Laughs]. So that's not the agenda because I'm going to get it from both sides. That's why I really have no interest in politics because there's really no winner. You're wrong to half the people and you're right to the other half.

Q: Exactly.
A: I suppose that's the conundrum here. You know, you're never going to make - the only person you really can make happy is yourself by doing the right thing.

Q: You've touched on something I want to ask you and that is, this lawsuit drew national attention. It was all over the place, on the web and national news media outlets -
A: Even Japan.

Q: How did you feel when you saw how the story exploded?
A: I was blown away by it. Honestly I was blown away by it. I had no idea that it would draw all this attention and I was obviously - well at the time I thought I was doing - I had that mindset, I thought it was good to raise the issue on the conservative side. And I thought all the media attention was positive. But you know, I don't want to say 50 percent negative/50 percent positive. But it was mind boggling that it got that much attention. I mean I would see friends of mine and they would mention in passing that they saw it on the International Tribune. Have you heard of that newspaper?

Q: Yes.
A: In France or in Canada or in Japan and I was just shocked by that. ... I didn't expect that at all.

Q: A lot of the coverage ridiculed you. You were called the "bar exam flunker" and all sorts of folks weighed in on this. I did a story that quoted some blogs and some legal experts who basically said this guy is silly and ridiculous. A lot of the coverage had that tone. How do you feel about that?
A: I mean it really was a reflection of American society because I would watch Fox News and journalists would defend me saying it's a legitimate First Amendment right to file this lawsuit. Then the opposing side thought it was ridiculous, incredulous. Then obviously the blogs, depending what blogs you were reading were very articulate in their hatred towards me. But all in all I see and read everything. And I think I learned a lot from the negativity. I think I learned a lot.

Q: What did you learn?
A: It's hard to get into a person's mind and heart unless they're speaking openly. When you read people's blogs, people's letters, you read how they feel, I think it changes you; it can be for the betterment of yourself, of your own personal progress. It amazes me how many Google hits there are under the topic of the federal lawsuit or the complaint, whatever words you put in to search ... it's incredible how much response this lawsuit has generated. ... I'm very apologetic to the fact - I feel like because of my misguided beliefs at the time, I was an instrument of bigotry and prejudice. And I think this can be a positive thing. I really think I can show that it is possible to progress and to change the mind and change the heart. It is possible to be open-minded and be a vehicle for change.

Q: Have you taken the bar exam again since failing it? If not, do you plan to?
A: Well, I intend to answer all the questions this time. [Laughs.] And I'm sure I'll pass. For all intents and purposes I felt like I passed it last time and you know, with my present mindset I would have passed it. But I am studying for the bar exam right now.

Q: Really.
A: Yes, I am taking it. And you know, the more I - when you're studying for the bar exam you have a lot of time to think and be introspective. I think that's an opportunity, some people might think that it's been a short amount of time since filing the lawsuit and now.

Q: Right.
A: But anybody that's studied for the bar exam must realize that you study 60-70 hours a week. And that's a lot of time in solitude studying. I mean, you have a lot of time to yourself. It's almost like being in a monastery [laughs]. You go to the library, put in 10-11 hours a day six days a week. To have that -utilize so much rote memory, so much short-term memory, that you must do that to be so successful on it. But at the same time you realize that the law is a vehicle for change and you yourself as a lawyer must represent society, the best parts of society and the evolution of society, the evolution of the legal process. You start to romanticize the law a little bit, which can be a very positive thing. The law is nothing but a reflection of our mores and folkways, what we believe in society today. And you know we start to realize that there really should not be any discrimination in the law at all.

Q: When do you think you'll be taking the test again?
A: About two months.

Q: I don't have any other questions. Is there anything else you want to add, or that you want readers to know?
A: I suppose the clear message - just to be both clear and concise - I'd want to actually relate that discrimination of gay people or any person for that matter, is wrong. And obviously that's different from what I've articulated in the past and I'd just like to say that I'd like to personally stop the demonization of gay people in America.

Q: There is just one other question I want to ask. Why did you think it was important to go public about your change of heart and write a letter of apology to the gay community? People rarely apologize for this kind of stuff.
A: I suppose it comes down to personal accountability and personal responsibility. You know, if you've done wrong you must sincerely apologize otherwise you're not remedying the wrong. If you're sincere you have a responsibility to apologize. If you have a change of heart, a change of mind you have to let people know that, otherwise, you know, they're not clairvoyant, they don't know what you're thinking. And I think all progress needs to get articulated. Otherwise we don't have room to grow. And you know, I'm sincerely regretful of my actions. I think I owe it to the friends that I studied alongside in law school and you know there's a, not a large population, but a group of gay and lesbian friends that I studied alongside in law school. I'm pretty clear that I insulted them and I think they do deserve an apology. ... I'm friends with them personally. But as a whole, I think the gay community as a whole deserves an apology. Because I am - I am profoundly sorry for what I've done. It's only, I suppose, human to try to make a wrong a right. You know, at the end of the day we do have the same troubles and the same hopes and the same dreams. We're all equals at the end of the day and we should all treat each other as equals.

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Apology To Gay Community

I am writing this letter to apologize to the gay community for been an instrument of bigotry and prejudice. By filing a misguided federal lawsuit against the State of Massachusetts in respect to the legitimacy of same-sex marriage, I have regrettably perpetuated intolerance and animosity towards my fellow Americans. My religiously based discrimination of gay people was callous and diametrically opposed to America's core principles of freedom and equality.

In hindsight, my opposition to same-sex marriage based on purely religious grounds was categorically and indisputably wrong. I am deeply sorry for the hurt that I have caused the gay community as a whole and I am particularly regretful of my actions towards those gay and lesbian friends that I befriended and studied alongside during my three years of law school. You are all wonderful people and loving parents and I am profoundly sorry for having insulted you and your families. Please accept this letter as a sincere apology for my lashing out as a result of failing the bar exam. The only correct answer is to stop demonizing gay people on the grounds of religion and embrace and love all members of the American family, regardless of sexual orientation.

At the end of the day, we are all fellow citizens, we are all are equals, sharing the same hopes, troubles, and dreams. I hope you have room in your heart to accept my apology.

Merry Christmas and Happy Holidays,

Stephen Dunne